Frustration

It is really frustrating when you seek the advice who have gone on a similar path that you inspire to and you are completely ignored. I am starting something that I feel passionate about and I am working with some excellent people and I trying to reach out to those who are already where I want to be. I simply want to ask them what mistakes they have made and what things they can tell me to push me in the right direction. Now, it could be I am a little impatient. I sent out these emails and phone calls last week and in this business it take a while for people to get back to you. Still, I want to hear something back soon.

I am on vacation this week from my 9-5 and it could not come at a better time. It gives me a lot of time to focus on my new endeavor. My wife is also on spring break this week so all is well. This merger that my company is going through is a lot work and a lot of training. I am hoping that it goes smoothly so we will see.

I have realizing that I have been praying a lot more lately. This has not been a conscious decision but it has just been coming naturally. I wonder if there is an explanation for this. The first thing I do before I leave the house is have a brief praying session. I think it is giving me clarity for the day. It is almost like a to do list. When I first get to work in the morning I make a to do list of calls I have to make and things that I need to do. I put prayer on my mental to do list. It is helping me I think.

Talking about to do lists I need to set a date to bowl with my brother. I heard his game is lacking.

The circus

My wife and I took my son to the circus last night and I must admit I had a blast. This was my first time ever going to the circus and it was my son's first time as well. I really didn't know what to expect going in. I thought I may be bored or it would have been a bunch of crazy corny antics but it was actually the complete opposite. They kept you engaged the entire evening with a variety of skits, performances, and audience interaction. They even had about seven tigers there they were just beautiful. The expression on my son's face last night was just priceless. He clapped every five minutes or so and was just smiling all night even though it was way beyond his bedtime. Now, I must admit that I am still sort of stuck in the middle when it comes to the circus and the zoo and these sort of things. I really believe that animals should be kept in there natural environment. I don't think anyone of us really know how much abuse these animals have to go through to be able to perform in these shows. I have heard some people say that these animals love performing for the crowd. I just don't beleive that. The ironic thing is last night when we got back home there was a story on the news about how some people are suing Ringling Brothers for their treatment of elephants. Apparently the way they get them to perform goes against some form of agreement that was put in place. I don't know. I really have to think about taking my son back. I want him to understand that even though the show is fun and we love to see the animals, the animals have to go through a lot to be there.

As you may have seen it is getting harder and harder to write in this blog. My schedule based on the after hours project that I am doing in jam packed. It is well worth it but it is making it harder to write. I am going from my 9-5 on the phone with clients and meeting clients to going in the evening and making phone calls to try to get things together for something. It is time consuming but rewarding. I am really telling myself to blog more because I feel it is going to help me focus on things and it gives me a break. Hopefully I can keep at it.

WOW

This weekend was a lot of fun for me. This was really the first time since I started this blog that I took a weekend off but the weekend was so hectic. On Saturday morning I took my son to have breakfast with my nephew and my brother. I really enjoyed spending time with my nephew as did my son who spent half of his time at the restaurant flirting with the waitress. (I don't know where he gets that from) After leaving my brother and nephew after breakfast I picked my wife up from work and we went to the Air and Space Museum. I have not been to this museum is some time an I really enjoyed myself. One of Tuskegee Airman were there so that was good to see and read about this story. The rest of the afternoon was spent going to the mall and really enjoying family time. Even on Sunday I was able to spend more time with my nephew and my brother and father. I think it was something I really needed to get refreshed. My other "endeavor" is really getting deep and it is taking up a lot of my time. It is something that I love to do but it is really a lot of leg work. I hope that good opportunities keep coming from it. We will see though....

Mindset

I wonder what Bernie Madoff is thinking right now. I wonder how it must feel to know that you will never see the light of day again. How do you mentally prepare yourself for that. I have a few friends that are in or have been to prison and they all have said that you take each day as if comes and you don't really think to far ahead. I can't imagine what that is like. I spent all of nine hours in a jail in Atlanta due to an error on the part of the MVA. I was going crazy in the nine hours that I was in there. I can't imagine what it would be like to spend the rest of my life in there. Especially someone like Madoff who has been living the high life for some time now. I would have to guess that the first week you are adjusting to things. I assume you could compare it to the first week at a new job. (Kind of) You look at how others operate and look at what to do and what not to do. But after that first week it has to feel like the walls are closing in everyday. An old associate of mine who spent 10 years in federal prison told me that he spent 5 of those years in the hole and he really got in touch with himself. He said it was because of that time in the hole that he made the decision to turn his life around when he got out. He now owns his own business and is doing well. The difference in that case was that he knew that he was going to inventually get out. What if you never are getting out? This is why I live on the straight and narrow. I really don't ever want to have to worry about doing anything to risk my freedom. I enjoy it to much.

It's here

Well, I have been saying for a while that I think something big is coming down the pipeline and I think I have found out what it is. I am not going to speak on it too much but it is something that in some ways I have been working towards for while. I am both nervous and excited at the same time. I have been praying for certain things to happen and I think things are beginning to happen. So, with that being said, I would ask for others to pray for me as well.

I watched Kanye West's performance last night on American Idol and I must say that his stage performances are getting better and better. The song that he performed is heartless and I must say that I have liked this song since the first time that I heard it. Kanye was all over the stage last night and involved the crowd. When he first started doing his stage thing he seemed very nervous. Things have changed over time. I am really impressed. Granted, he still can't sing but oh well.

PTS

I read an article in the paper yesterday that spoke about how soldiers coming back from Iraq are being affected by Post Traumatic Stress. The article speaks on how the symptoms manifest themselves and what to look for. It states how some have the inability to sleep, some react in violence, so have nightmares, some are withdrawn, etc. The writer of the article makes a point to say for some, it is their first time seeing violence and they don't know how to fully handle it. The writer goes a little farther and questions if they military even has a way to prepare people for what they may encounter when they go to war. I speak on this because last night I once again watched the TI Road to Redemption program and they were dealing with a young man who feels the need to run with a gang and carry a weapon. When they spoke to the young man and asked him why he felt the need to carry a weapon he started talking about how many of his friends had been killed and how many times he had been shot at. He also recounted how his best friend was killed right in front of him and how the bullet went in his neck and came out the side of his head. I might add that this young man was only 18. It makes me wonder how many of our young men deal with issues like this. I know some people can't fathom what it is like to see things like this, but you have to ask yourself how one deals with it. The military has people that are trained to speak to soldiers when they see certain things or when someone close to them has died but what about our youth in the streets. What help is there for that 14 year old boy whose friend was gunned down in front of him. I was 17 when I first saw someone shot up and it affected me in an adverse way. I too have been shot at in a few situations coming out of clubs when I was 17 and 18 and it may me feel a certain way. I am older now but I still admit that I am really numb to certain things, but I have not gone through nearly anything compared to what some kids are dealing with. I just wonder what kind of help is out there for these kids. I heard people say that they don't know why some kids are so quick to kill each other and why some carry guns but ask yourself what they have been through or what they have seen. If you don't have someone to speak with about what you have seen that might be your way of dealing with pain. I really think this is something that needs to be in place in schools and in the community. I think a counselor or someone who is really in tune with what is going on needs to be in place. Maybe the reason for a lot of the violence is a lack of understanding and no one to attempt to understand.

Overload

I really am going to have to stop watching CNN for a minute. I am realizing that if you watch it everyday you will be a very depressed person. All you see on there is stories about the economy and how people are losing jobs and how much in debt we are. It is really going against what I am trying to strive for right now. I am really pushing to be more positive all around. I have made people around me try to find the positive in everything. Even in the midst of a terrible situation you can find something positive in it. I also realize that if you constantly surround yourself with negative things, that finding a positive can be even harder. This is my stance on watching CNN and reading the newspaper. It is something that I feel I should do due to keeping up with the news but it must be done in moderation. I wake up in the morning feeling positive and I can't allow negative news to get me down. I have been in some very low places mentally so I really can appreciate finding the positive in everything. I think it is a good rule of thumb to live by.

My nephew is coming into town this weekend and I couldn't be more excited. I have not spent as much time with him as I should but it seems as if ever since my son was brought into this world that it has become more of a priority to me. It makes me smile to see him now. I remember when he was a baby when he stayed with me and my cat (don't ask) kept hissing at him. My nephew paid the cat no mind whatsoever. The last time I saw him in September he was just as grown as ever. We played catch outside of my house and I was just amazed. I really can't wait just to chill with him.

I have a serious case of sprig fever right now. This warm weather we have been having up here is making me long for the summer. I guess I did not realize how much of last summer I missed moving up here and find a place. It's like the entire summer breezed by. All of that is going to change this spring and summer. I plan on enjoying every warm day I can. It just needs to stay warm and we can start things off. Three more weeks until spring.......