Appreciation

Today is my mother's 57 birthday and I must say I am really excited for her. My mother has had an exciting last few months and she seems the happiest that she has been in a very long time. This post though is not about her in that respect. It really is about our relationship, and how I have learned so much from her in the last 14 years.

Prior to that 14 years I was in a normal family and love was just passed around freely...We were really like one and we did everything together.

When my brother went to college back in the early 90's I was left in the house with my parents who were in the early stages of a separation and pending divorce. Things began to get very weird around the house and as a 14 year old teen I began to rebel. For some reason this took on the form of being disrespectful to my mother. This ranged from everything to yelling, to being just out right defiant. I know now that this was just my anger from my parents going to different directions but at that time it was really bad. The bad behavior continued until my father noticed it and advised the judge in the proceedings that it is best that when the dust settles that I move with him to Cleveland. During this time period when I was away from my mother for long periods of time, I started to realize how much hurt I caused my mother and I began to work on repairing that.

By the time I moved back with my mother my senior year of high school the process began oh healing. My mother and I had our problems my senior year and freshman year of college but it was more due to the crowd I was hanging with than anything else. As the years have gone by since that our relationship has taken on a very interesting dynamic. My mother has become a lot of different things to me. She has become my main support system, my spiritual advisor, my counselor, etc... It's something I really can't put into words. My wife tells me that I become putty when my mother asks me to do something and I think that is true. I think it is my way of repaying her for the wrong I did growing up.

I can never make up for making my mother cry. I can never get out of my head how in a fit of rage in 94 I laughed at her feelings about the pending divorce. I can never get her shocked look out of my head when the police called her my senior year for many things. But I can say that I can smile when she says how much things have changed. I can smile about her first meeting my wife or being there at the hospital when my son was born. I can smile when her and I talk on the phone for hours and laugh and cry together. I can smile when she comes and visits and her and I go out to eat. It really is a wonderful thing. I can't go more than two days without talking to her.

I really just want to say Happy Birthday to my mother. I smile as I say that and I truly realize how blessed I am to have that relationship with her. I love you Mommy