Frustration

It is really frustrating when you seek the advice who have gone on a similar path that you inspire to and you are completely ignored. I am starting something that I feel passionate about and I am working with some excellent people and I trying to reach out to those who are already where I want to be. I simply want to ask them what mistakes they have made and what things they can tell me to push me in the right direction. Now, it could be I am a little impatient. I sent out these emails and phone calls last week and in this business it take a while for people to get back to you. Still, I want to hear something back soon.

I am on vacation this week from my 9-5 and it could not come at a better time. It gives me a lot of time to focus on my new endeavor. My wife is also on spring break this week so all is well. This merger that my company is going through is a lot work and a lot of training. I am hoping that it goes smoothly so we will see.

I have realizing that I have been praying a lot more lately. This has not been a conscious decision but it has just been coming naturally. I wonder if there is an explanation for this. The first thing I do before I leave the house is have a brief praying session. I think it is giving me clarity for the day. It is almost like a to do list. When I first get to work in the morning I make a to do list of calls I have to make and things that I need to do. I put prayer on my mental to do list. It is helping me I think.

Talking about to do lists I need to set a date to bowl with my brother. I heard his game is lacking.

The circus

My wife and I took my son to the circus last night and I must admit I had a blast. This was my first time ever going to the circus and it was my son's first time as well. I really didn't know what to expect going in. I thought I may be bored or it would have been a bunch of crazy corny antics but it was actually the complete opposite. They kept you engaged the entire evening with a variety of skits, performances, and audience interaction. They even had about seven tigers there they were just beautiful. The expression on my son's face last night was just priceless. He clapped every five minutes or so and was just smiling all night even though it was way beyond his bedtime. Now, I must admit that I am still sort of stuck in the middle when it comes to the circus and the zoo and these sort of things. I really believe that animals should be kept in there natural environment. I don't think anyone of us really know how much abuse these animals have to go through to be able to perform in these shows. I have heard some people say that these animals love performing for the crowd. I just don't beleive that. The ironic thing is last night when we got back home there was a story on the news about how some people are suing Ringling Brothers for their treatment of elephants. Apparently the way they get them to perform goes against some form of agreement that was put in place. I don't know. I really have to think about taking my son back. I want him to understand that even though the show is fun and we love to see the animals, the animals have to go through a lot to be there.

As you may have seen it is getting harder and harder to write in this blog. My schedule based on the after hours project that I am doing in jam packed. It is well worth it but it is making it harder to write. I am going from my 9-5 on the phone with clients and meeting clients to going in the evening and making phone calls to try to get things together for something. It is time consuming but rewarding. I am really telling myself to blog more because I feel it is going to help me focus on things and it gives me a break. Hopefully I can keep at it.

WOW

This weekend was a lot of fun for me. This was really the first time since I started this blog that I took a weekend off but the weekend was so hectic. On Saturday morning I took my son to have breakfast with my nephew and my brother. I really enjoyed spending time with my nephew as did my son who spent half of his time at the restaurant flirting with the waitress. (I don't know where he gets that from) After leaving my brother and nephew after breakfast I picked my wife up from work and we went to the Air and Space Museum. I have not been to this museum is some time an I really enjoyed myself. One of Tuskegee Airman were there so that was good to see and read about this story. The rest of the afternoon was spent going to the mall and really enjoying family time. Even on Sunday I was able to spend more time with my nephew and my brother and father. I think it was something I really needed to get refreshed. My other "endeavor" is really getting deep and it is taking up a lot of my time. It is something that I love to do but it is really a lot of leg work. I hope that good opportunities keep coming from it. We will see though....

Mindset

I wonder what Bernie Madoff is thinking right now. I wonder how it must feel to know that you will never see the light of day again. How do you mentally prepare yourself for that. I have a few friends that are in or have been to prison and they all have said that you take each day as if comes and you don't really think to far ahead. I can't imagine what that is like. I spent all of nine hours in a jail in Atlanta due to an error on the part of the MVA. I was going crazy in the nine hours that I was in there. I can't imagine what it would be like to spend the rest of my life in there. Especially someone like Madoff who has been living the high life for some time now. I would have to guess that the first week you are adjusting to things. I assume you could compare it to the first week at a new job. (Kind of) You look at how others operate and look at what to do and what not to do. But after that first week it has to feel like the walls are closing in everyday. An old associate of mine who spent 10 years in federal prison told me that he spent 5 of those years in the hole and he really got in touch with himself. He said it was because of that time in the hole that he made the decision to turn his life around when he got out. He now owns his own business and is doing well. The difference in that case was that he knew that he was going to inventually get out. What if you never are getting out? This is why I live on the straight and narrow. I really don't ever want to have to worry about doing anything to risk my freedom. I enjoy it to much.

It's here

Well, I have been saying for a while that I think something big is coming down the pipeline and I think I have found out what it is. I am not going to speak on it too much but it is something that in some ways I have been working towards for while. I am both nervous and excited at the same time. I have been praying for certain things to happen and I think things are beginning to happen. So, with that being said, I would ask for others to pray for me as well.

I watched Kanye West's performance last night on American Idol and I must say that his stage performances are getting better and better. The song that he performed is heartless and I must say that I have liked this song since the first time that I heard it. Kanye was all over the stage last night and involved the crowd. When he first started doing his stage thing he seemed very nervous. Things have changed over time. I am really impressed. Granted, he still can't sing but oh well.

PTS

I read an article in the paper yesterday that spoke about how soldiers coming back from Iraq are being affected by Post Traumatic Stress. The article speaks on how the symptoms manifest themselves and what to look for. It states how some have the inability to sleep, some react in violence, so have nightmares, some are withdrawn, etc. The writer of the article makes a point to say for some, it is their first time seeing violence and they don't know how to fully handle it. The writer goes a little farther and questions if they military even has a way to prepare people for what they may encounter when they go to war. I speak on this because last night I once again watched the TI Road to Redemption program and they were dealing with a young man who feels the need to run with a gang and carry a weapon. When they spoke to the young man and asked him why he felt the need to carry a weapon he started talking about how many of his friends had been killed and how many times he had been shot at. He also recounted how his best friend was killed right in front of him and how the bullet went in his neck and came out the side of his head. I might add that this young man was only 18. It makes me wonder how many of our young men deal with issues like this. I know some people can't fathom what it is like to see things like this, but you have to ask yourself how one deals with it. The military has people that are trained to speak to soldiers when they see certain things or when someone close to them has died but what about our youth in the streets. What help is there for that 14 year old boy whose friend was gunned down in front of him. I was 17 when I first saw someone shot up and it affected me in an adverse way. I too have been shot at in a few situations coming out of clubs when I was 17 and 18 and it may me feel a certain way. I am older now but I still admit that I am really numb to certain things, but I have not gone through nearly anything compared to what some kids are dealing with. I just wonder what kind of help is out there for these kids. I heard people say that they don't know why some kids are so quick to kill each other and why some carry guns but ask yourself what they have been through or what they have seen. If you don't have someone to speak with about what you have seen that might be your way of dealing with pain. I really think this is something that needs to be in place in schools and in the community. I think a counselor or someone who is really in tune with what is going on needs to be in place. Maybe the reason for a lot of the violence is a lack of understanding and no one to attempt to understand.

Overload

I really am going to have to stop watching CNN for a minute. I am realizing that if you watch it everyday you will be a very depressed person. All you see on there is stories about the economy and how people are losing jobs and how much in debt we are. It is really going against what I am trying to strive for right now. I am really pushing to be more positive all around. I have made people around me try to find the positive in everything. Even in the midst of a terrible situation you can find something positive in it. I also realize that if you constantly surround yourself with negative things, that finding a positive can be even harder. This is my stance on watching CNN and reading the newspaper. It is something that I feel I should do due to keeping up with the news but it must be done in moderation. I wake up in the morning feeling positive and I can't allow negative news to get me down. I have been in some very low places mentally so I really can appreciate finding the positive in everything. I think it is a good rule of thumb to live by.

My nephew is coming into town this weekend and I couldn't be more excited. I have not spent as much time with him as I should but it seems as if ever since my son was brought into this world that it has become more of a priority to me. It makes me smile to see him now. I remember when he was a baby when he stayed with me and my cat (don't ask) kept hissing at him. My nephew paid the cat no mind whatsoever. The last time I saw him in September he was just as grown as ever. We played catch outside of my house and I was just amazed. I really can't wait just to chill with him.

I have a serious case of sprig fever right now. This warm weather we have been having up here is making me long for the summer. I guess I did not realize how much of last summer I missed moving up here and find a place. It's like the entire summer breezed by. All of that is going to change this spring and summer. I plan on enjoying every warm day I can. It just needs to stay warm and we can start things off. Three more weeks until spring.......

Vacation

I really am in need of a vacation. I want to go somewhere where there is a nice beach and beautiful water. I would like to go out of town somewhere. Maybe somewhere in the islands. I have never been out of the country and it is starting to bother me. I hear from my clients about how they went to Jamaica or Africa or Cancun and it just has me in awe. Before 2007 I had never even been to a beach. The first beach I went to was in Jacksonville Florida and even though it was nice, it is not what I really view as a final destination place. The second beach I went to was more of the same and it was in Savannah, GA. This beach too just did not do it for me. I would like to go places and experience more of how other people live in other places. My wife and I were watching a special on the Travel channel about good places to go in Jamaica and it was interesting. My wife has been to Jamaica but she told me that she stayed on the resort. I think I would want to get outside of the resort and really experience how life is. I don't think staying on a resort is a good representation of that. I also would like to go on a cruise at some point in the near future. This too is something that I have never done but I hear it is a wonderful experience. I don't even need to go on a long cruise, but just to be on the boat for a while seems to be relaxing. I really can't speak on why all of this is on my mind this morning. I think I really just need to relax for about a week. It seems whenever I had a vacation from work, I never really just go somewhere and relax. It seems as if I am always on the go. Yeah, sitting on a beach seems like just the way to remedy that.

Interesting conversation

A had an interesting conversation with my co-worker while leaving the office yesterday. It is somewhat controversial but I am going to still mention it. My co-worker who is a woman asked me if is it okay for a man who is gay to hang out with a straight man. I told her that anything is okay but I personally don't. I have some associates who I know that are gay but I don't hang out with them. (For that matter the only person I really hang out with are my boy I grew up with and my brother) The more I thought about this the more I realized that I don't know any straight men that hang out with gay men. Last night my wife and I had the same conversation and she stated that she does not hang out with any gay women but it is not a conscience decision. I wonder what the reaction would be if I saw one of my friends hanging out with someone who is gay. Would my first thought automatically be the person is gay or would I just think that they are long time friends. I am bringing this up strictly for the point of conversation. I know a lot of women who hang out with gay men and I know some men that hang out with gay women. Why don't you see gay men and straight men and the other way around. I would really be interested in doing a study on this. (Add that to yours Rashad). I think the results would be astounding.

I am breathing easy today due to the fact that I still have a job. My company is currently merging with another company and they stated that they were going to send out letters to all employees about whether or not they had a job. The good thing is that I still have a job with the new merged company so I can breathe easy. I received my letter in the mail yesterday. I must admit that I was worried for a time but all is well.

I am really tired this morning for some reason and I have to go to work. But, this song has been in my head all morning..I really can't explain why it is in my head but I suspect that the video came on the in the middle of the night while I was half sleep. Anyway, not too much to say today. Enjoy the song though.

Customer Service

Since when did Customer Service get so bad across the board. It seems as if everywhere that I go that people really do not want to be at work. You would think in these times that people would appreciate the fact that they have jobs and act accordingly. I have had no such luck. Yesterday I spent my day off with my son and he and I went searching for an item that I needed for my computer. The first establishment that I went to had decent service. I emphasize decent. The gentleman asked me if I needed assistance and I stated that I did. I gave him the specs for my computer and he did some research but had to call someone else in. This second person did not acknowledge me or my son and acted like I was stopping him from doing something else. I took offense to this but held my tongue due to me being a good father and all. So, once the rude gentleman informed me of the price I told him that I wanted to look around a bit before I paid that price and I left. I went to four other stores yesterday and things went downhill from there. One store the employee was busy having a conversation with someone else when I was trying to get information from her. Another store the employee did not even look me in my eye when she was speaking to me. One store I called the person had the nerve to take a loud slurp (pause) from their drink in a very loud fashion. When I finally settled on a store to buy what I needed the employee at the front checkout basically threw the bag at me and rolled her eyes. This is just unacceptable. I don't know where good customer service has gone. It seems as if everyone that I have spoke to have had a experience that mirrors my own. I don't want to speak to the elephant in the room here but that might be a possibility. I will save that rant for another day.

I watched the Departed for the hundred time last night. This movie seems to only get better every time that I watch it. My wife has told me on numerous occasions that I watch this movie too much. If you have ever seen this movie the acting is superb. Plus, I think Jack Nicholson is one of the best bad guys to ever grace the screen. Very good movie indeed.

Crazy neighbor

As soon as I got home from work yesterday the neighbor who just moved in the complex two months ago came knocking at my door. Now I am very funny about people coming to the house anyway so I was already on edge a little bit. This is the same neighbor who stopped me one morning and started telling me how she is from Chicago and she is in her townhouse alone due to her husband passing and blah blah blah. I really stopped listening after a while. Yesterday she came and asked me if I had be hearing weird noises in the walls. I had to think for a second and I responded that I have been hearing a strange sound behind my fridge but I have not been able to pinpoint it. So, crazy woman proceeds to tell me that she keeps hearing a scurrying sound above her bedroom and it sounds as if it could be a raccoon. She keeps this wonderful dialog going by explaining how in Chicago you can just shoot the raccoon and keep it moving and how in Maryland you can't do that. This conversation led to how her son lives not to far away but far enough so that he does not come visit and how her daughter comes by every now and then. How does all of this concern me? She ended the conversation by saying that she is going to call the police and have them deal with the situation and she was going to keep me informed. This is once again an example of pointless conversation and 15 minutes wasted of my valuable time. I really have the desire at times to stop people when they are talking and ask them what the %^$ they are talking about. I know some people might have the thought that she is lonely due to her husband passing but that my friends is why they have facebook, match.com, or a vast array of internet sites to keep you busy. It does not mean come to my household. Okay, I am done venting for the morning.

Interesting

I may be on a little late on this clip right here but I someone sent this to me this morning and it had me shaking my head. I may be a little biased for I am a huge Michael Dyson fan but this is ridiculous. Pat Buchanan really comes off as not able to debate in this conversation. Some of his points may have merit but after a while he really goes off the deep end. Now, to be fair Michael Dyson takes a dip in that end as well. I would just say to watch it and take away what you must.

I wonder if this new shift in power in Cuba is a way for the younger Castro to appeal to Obama. I have been hearing for a while that Cuba would like sanctions lifted after all of these years and I wonder if they see an opening with Obama. It is going to be interesting to see how this plays out. This issue is one that has not seen much light of the day recently due to the economy issues but it is on the radar.

Can someone tell me when you can get a ticket for letting your car warm up in the morning without you being in it. Yesterday morning as was walking back inside my house after starting my vehicle the police drove by and advised me that if my car is on that I need to be in the car. She then pointed to my neighbors truck which also was on and asked me where she was. I stated I did not know and the officer went to her front door, asked for her DL and registration and gave her a $70 ticket for leaving her vehicle unattended. That is just crazy. I know PG county police are going through a budget shortfall but this is crazy.

Weddings

275 people. That is way to many people for a wedding if you ask me. One of my co-workers is in the process of planning her wedding and takes every minute of the day to ask me my opinion on things. The first thing that I told her is that when my wife and I got married we had a very small ceremony. I mean small like 10 people. That is what we both wanted and we were happy about it. I really didn't see a reason to break the bank on a wedding. I have known of people who spend 30k on a wedding and then spent the next few years going back and forth about money. I did not want to be in that boat. So, this co-worker of mine plans on having the ceremony at this location on the water and she wants an open bar and this and that. She told me yesterday that she wants to find a way to not invite children to her wedding. I advised her that this might not be a good idea and I was shut down. First she told me that she did not want children screaming during the ceremony and then she started talking about the cost of food for the wedding. I stuck to my guns though and still gave my opinion. When I spoke to my wife about what my co-worker had said, she agreed with my co-worker. My wife is of the mentality that it is her wedding and she can do what she wants. My wife said that if she wants to have one legged beetles are her wedding she can have that too. (Verbatim of course) I just think that if you are having a wedding on a weekend that children are going to have to come. Maybe that it just me. I must say though that the number of people on her list is going down by the day. It was up to about 350 last week. When you start factoring in the cost of the food per person and the photographer everything else you learn real quick about easing up on the guest list. I wish her the best of luck though. I know a few people who are getting married in the next year and I hope they plan wisely. 10 people was wonderful....No issues what so ever.

Envious

So, this morning I wake up at 4 something this morning to my wife's cell phone going off informing her her school is closed this morning. Then I get call around 6:45 this morning stating that my office will NOT be closing this morning. As I rolled out of of bed and looked outside I saw at least six inches of snow on the ground and thought about every excuse in the world that I could come up with to stay home. I could not come up with one. So I woke up, did the three s's and intended on starting my day in a bad mood. After I got dressed though that all changed. I went in my son's room, got him out of bed, and informed him that it was snowing and he would be staying home today. He then ran to window in our bedroom and the look on his face was priceless. My son started smiling and telling me over and over again that it is snowing and that the snow is white. (He has just learned his colors) This changed my entire outlook on my day. I can't tell you how it feels to see his excitement of seeing his first real snow. It may seem small to some but you learn how to treasure every little thing when you have a child. I told him that I have to go to work to make money and he stated that he wants to make money too..You gotta love it. If we could only get passed those damn child labor laws.

Any and everything

I think my itching for reggae music is back in full swing. I have been playing nothing but reggae for the last two days. Prior to this I have been asking around to see who can get me some old school reggae. I used to listen to it a lot growing up and kind of lost my love for it. I don't know where this renewed interest came from. Let me just say that if anyone has some please sent it to me. Don't be shy.

They are saying that we are supposed to get a lot of snow this afternoon and this evening. I can't wait. I have been saying all winter that I want a big snow storm and it looks as if I may have my wish. Now, I know I am older and my office will not close but it still makes for good times. I think my wife will be out of work tomorrow and my son will get to run wild one more day. That makes me smile.

I watched Robert Gates on meet the press this morning there was very strange moment in which David Gregory asked Gates if he was going to serve out the term his position and he stated that it would be challenging. I found this very interesting. I must say that I was shocked at first when he agreed to stay in the position after the transition but I did not know he would make a public statement like that. I must say though that I liked the fact that he stated that Obama is more of a analytical person that Bush is. That too made me smile.

I am in the third full month of my beard and I must say that I am happy. I have tried for many years to grow a beard and I have always come up short. Oh how things have changed. I now have a full "Black thought" like beard and I am too happy. One of my clients told me that it makes me look more distinguished. My wife even told me that I look more handsome. That is all I need.......

I highly advise everyone to go to Ovation TV and watch the special that they did on Miles Davis. I must say that I have always been a fan of his work. I grew up in a household where his music was constantly played, but watching this special made me a bigger fan. Just to see the genius behind his music making process is enough to get anyone with a creative gene inspired. He also was very much an enigma. I don't think anyone fully understood him but they read him through his music. I think more artists should strive for this.

Good Day

Today I took my wife and my son to the African Art museum here in DC. I have not been to this museum in about 10 years. My parents took my brother and I there a few times when we were younger and I took a few dates as I got older. I wanted my son even though he is two to really start to understand important history. The first part of the trip to the museum involved just looking at wonderful pieces of art from different countries in Africa. My first observation was that out of all the pieces, Nigeria seemed to have the most detailed work. The work from there also seemed to use a variety of material. The work from the Congo also had me very inspired. It seemed to use a lot of its work to honor the family structure. The next part of the museum had a exhibit that showed in pictures and words the civil rights movement. Many of the pictures revolved around MLK, Andrew Young, John Lewis, Stokley Carmichael and a host of others. Many of the pictures showed the police beating marchers, people being hosed, and dogs being used to attack people. Some of the pictures were very graphic in that they showed people who were shot and killed by police in Alabama, Tennessee and various other states. The exhibit was very moving. They also had a display that showed the police report from when Rosa Parks was arrested. It even had the paper where she did her fingerprints. They even had a TV set up showing the old Eyes on the Prize series. I really hope my son took in some of what he saw even though he is not able to read as of yet. I really need him to understand what we have come through to get where we are today and where we need to go. It was a powerful exhibit.

Ways of Living

Why are people in this day and time still living way beyond their means.? I am seeing so many of my friends and associates still buying expensive cars, clothes, etc and not thinking long term. Some of these people have children. Where is the focus on saving for the future? Why is there a need to have a brand new car that you can barely afford. I just don't understand it. I used to get asked a lot why I drive a Toyota Corolla and I always respond that it is a good car that is excellent on gas. Don't get me wrong, I would love a new German car but what is my motivation. I am a 30 year old married man with a 2 year old son. I am thinking in a very practical manner. I have clients that live in apartments with $700 car notes. Why??? Priorities people. That same money that you spend on a that expensive car can go into a 529 plan for college for your kids. . Or it can go into a rainy day fund. I know my wife and I are working toward being debt free very soon. I don't know if having our son made us this way but it is something that is constantly on our minds. I try to to talk to people that come in my office and advise them of how to save money right now. Certain things can wait. One of my old clients who is a stock trader gave me some very good advice last year. He told that if you can't buy something twice you do not need it. This is how he goes into every purchase from a house to an television. He pays everything in cash. This is where I strive to be.

This morning on the radio I heard Purple Rain by Prince. This song is the epitome of good music. It reminds me of when I was growing up and we as a family played record almost every Saturday night. My father back then was always buying albums and playing them in the family room. These albums ranged from Purple Rain to Terrence Trent Darby(I am can't get that song out of my head Rashad), the Temps, to Kool Moe Dee. Even my brother back in the day would be in his room playing all types of music and would have me in there. This was back when you would try to catch songs on the radio and tape them. I still remember when my dad bought home the How you like me know record and played it to death. I used to look at him like he was crazy but it was indeed good times. I wonder how my son will look back on times like this. Normally on Saturday morning I blast music (censored music of course) from my itunes and he will sit with me and do his two step. (Okay, the two-step part was a stretch but he still dances)
I hope he treasures it when he gets older as I do.

One Liners

Bobby Jindal is messing up his shot for 2012.

I am proud of my Boy Dhani for his new reality show on the Travel channel.

I need a new IPOD that can hold more songs.

The new Joe Budden album is crazy. (Sorry Rashad)

I started working out again and I am in crazy pain.

Going through the process of a merger is a pain the behind.

Writing everyday really is a exercise for the brain.

You can learn a lot watching No Reservations on the travel channel.

Music really is a great form of therapy.

There are too many state troopers on the beltway.'

Its good to conquer your shortcomings every day.

I don't miss Atlanta at all.

Marriage is contagious.

I want to see the Roots in concert.

Mid Week Ramblings

I sat and watched Obama's speech last night and was left feeling like more was needed. I knew going in that he was going to be making a thematic speech but I did not know to that extreme. He was extremely vague in laying out his plans. I am aware that he has some things in the works, but I think we are at a point where we need honest feedback. I know I am tired of hearing about what needs to be done. I am ready to hear how we are going to do it and what programs will suffer based on long term needs. There needs to be a breakdown of timelines, and we need to be informed of everything. This may be asking a lot so early on but I feel like this is what is needed right now.

Why is it that people who don't have children want you to have a bunch of kids. Everywhere that I go people ask myself and my wife how many children we have and we say one. We also say how we have no plans to have any more children. This is something that we have talked about in great detail. This normally turns to the person having a discussion about why having one child is not good for the child and how an only child is normally a spoiled child. To all of you that have this point of view I invite you to please take it upon yourselves to have all the children you want. It is not happening over here. My wife and I are very content. Even in my seminar yesterday during lunch, the facilitator asked me how many children my wife and I had and explained everything to her. She then proceeded to tell me how her husband was raised an only child and how he is. Really? Is it that serious?

Satisfied

How many people can you name that are really doing what they feel like they were put on this earth to do? How many people are really passionate about what they do and would do it even if they were not making a fairly decent amount of money? This is something that I have been thinking about lately. As a look around I really don't see anyone that falls in this category. I know a few people that are very successful at what they are doing and have made a very good career doing it. But I ask again about the passion. My brother and I have a friend whom we have known since he was in middle school. Ever since he was young he wanted to be a pilot and talked about it all the time. When he graduated high school he went on to college and when he graduated from there went right to flight school. He has now been a pilot for quite some time and he really enjoys it. How often is this that we hear of someone who follows a path like this. I will say that even my brother is now writing for a sports team part time and he is loving every minute of it. He has been talking about doing something like this for as long as I can remember. I asked though, how many people do we know like this. It has been said that college is supposed to help you with this process but I have not seen that. I know many people who went to school, starting job hunting, and went with the money. They are really operating on auto pilot. They may be doing what they need to do to advance in that field but are they really doing what makes them happy?

I guess this is on my mind because I am still searching for what truly drives me. I have always been a writer even when I was young. I started writing poetry and moved on to short stories and then music. It is something that I have always enjoyed but it is also something I just do for fun and not a career. I also enjoy and love music. I enjoy the entire music making process. I had a discussion yesterday with a friend who is in the music business about how much the process of putting out an album is unknown but how much I love it. I also enjoy working with and talking to at risk youth. In some way shape or fashion I have had my hand in one of these careers in my spare time when I am not knee deep in the banking world. I guess I am feeling like I may be more motivated if I did what made me smile all day long. I have been told my current Regional VP that I always seem to enjoy what I do and my results show it, but I really don't feel that way. I believe this is where the term stepping out on faith comes in. We shall see.......

Friends

As I get older I am realizing more and more that I really have a very small circle of friends. I can count on my hand the people that call my good friends. I wonder if that is normal. I have always been closest to my brother so he is really who I consider the friend that I have had the longest and who I am closest too...(And of course my wife). My brother and I have been through things that I can't even put into words. But he is always there for me no matter what and I love him to death for it. But beyond that my friends over the years have seem to come and go. I wonder if as people get older and get married and in relationships that having good friends around is not as important. One of my boys who I am going to work out with this morning is someone who I have known since I was in 5th grade. We have always been real cool so I can consider him a friend. We have lost contact a few times over the years but have always linked back up(pause) and have still been real cool. I also recently linked back up with a friend of mine via Facebook who I have not seen or spoken too in about 8 years. I just wonder if other men my age have a small circle of friends or do they still have a lot of people that they consider to be close friends. Do they still have a lot of people over the house from time to time? Or do they just go out every now and then with a select few people. Maybe it is just me. I think part of it may be my personality. It takes a lot for me to really trust someone and allow them in my circle. I don't think that trust is something that happens over night.

Idols

There have really only been a few times where I can say that I have really met someone that I have idolized. I am not the type of person that when I was growing up I used to dream about meeting this person or that person. I have always looked up to my parents and my brother and they always set the standard for what I thought a positive role model should be. I never looked at entertainers or artists as role models. With that being said though, there have been some people that I have met in my life that have really had me inspired. When I was in high school back in 94 my mother was still teaching at George Mason University and was director of African American studies. During this time she always has big name people come and speak at the school. These names ranged from Cornel West to Henry Louis Gates. I always was really motivated to go see these people speak and it always proved to be exciting and a really good learning experience. One meeting that really stands out in my mind is meeting Betty Shabazz. I can't put into words how humble I was when I met this woman. She had come to George Mason to give a speech for Black History Month and my mother was to pick her up from the airport and give her the grand tour and essentially be her guide while she was in town. My mother called me after she picked Ms Shabazz up and invited me to come eat with them. So, here I was a wild teenager going to eat lunch with the wife of the great Malcolm X. So, we met at a seafood restaurant in Virginia and I the remember the first thing she mentioned was how much she wanted a crabcake and how she remembers coming to the DC area when "Malcolm" was alive and how good the crabcakes were. This sparked about a two hour conversation(not really on my end, I was just listening in awe) about her life and how things were when he was alive. It was really a sacred time and it is one two hour period that I will never forget in my life. To be in the presence of such a royal person is just amazing.

I say all of this because last night at a Wizards basketball game I met someone who I have been trying to meet for the last ten years. Last night I had the chance to speak to Michael Eric Dyson. He too is someone that is friends with my mother and everytime he comes to speak somewhere I miss the occassion. I was supposed to meet him last year but could not get off work and I was crushed. So you can only imagine my joy when my brother told me last night that he was sitting behind the Wizards bench. The first chance I got, I went over to him and shook his hand and told him how much I wanted to meet him and how I was big fan. My brother had gone up to him earlier and advised him of who our mother was, so I reminded him of that and again told him how much of what he does motivates me. We talked for about five minutes and then I went back to my seat. It doesn't get any better than that. He too might I add, is very humble. He took the time to speak to everyone that came up to him and gave most people his business card. It's good to see things like that from such a big name.

Dreams

For the last nine years of my life I have been having these dreams that I really can't explain. It started around about 2000 and the dreams consisted of someone trying to kill me. The dreams always started off with me walking somewhere outside and then someone would come up to me and start shooting. For some odd reason I never got hit but the person kept shooting. When I first starting having these dreams I kind of blew it off but I quickly realized that there was more to it. At that time I had been associating myself with people I probably should not have and there were a few dangerous situations that I found myself in. I was at a point in my life where I was riding the fence. I thought at that time that those dreams were related to those situations and some other things that I won't discuss but after I made some key changes in my life those dreams stopped for a while. Then, a few years later I started having another type of dream that I still have even now. I can't really describe the dream but according to my wife I start whimpering in my sleep and a few times I have awakened in a cold sweat or breathing hard. I know this is going to sound really crazy but in some of the dreams that I can remember, a dark shadow is standing over me. Normally in this dream I am watching myself sleeping in my bed and I watch someone come and stand over me. I almost feel myself being suffocated while this shadow is standing over me and I think my whimpering comes from trying to stop the dark shadow. This dream happens about once a month and I can't come up with a reason for it. I also have a dream where I am driving in my car in the rain and all of a sudden I crash into a car in front of me. I actually feel the impact of the crash and see the devastation and then I wake up. I really don't know what is causing these dreams. I have heard from people close to me that maybe certain situations that I have been through is causing my brain to have dreams like this. I really don't know but I admit it has me concerned. Sometimes it is hard to put in words some of the things that I have seen so maybe my dreams replay certain things as a means for me to learn something. I don't know. I really don't.

Black actors

There was an article on CNN today that discusses the issues that black actors have when it comes to winning Oscars. The article seems to suggest that the some of the issues that arise may be in that the Oscars have difficulty relating to certain black themed movies. The movie that was referenced in the article was Dreamgirls. Now, while I am not a huge fan of the movie Dreamgirls, I think good acting is good acting. Being able to relate to a movie has nothing to do with an Oscar. It has to do with the quality of the movie. One of the better movies that I have seen is Mystic River with Sean Pean. I can't relate one bit to that movie but the acting portrayed by Sean Penn in that movie is superb. Even Phillip Seymore Hoffman is Capote was amazing and that movie was all over the place. I think one may argue the point that they are not enough of a variety in movies with the majority of black actors. From my standpoint I am seeing more of the same. I am seeing movies like the Tyler Perry movies or it goes in the direction of a slap stick comedy. Why can't we see more movie like Cooley High or Akeelah and the Bee. I even challenge one to go see The Last King of Scotland. That is a movie that demands an Oscar. Look at the passion in Forest Whitakers' character. I will even go as far as to say that Training Day in which Denzel won an Oscar for went outside of the box. It was a movie that sucked you in and there was no question in the quality of the acting. I think when people make complaints about not getting enough Oscar nods in with movies with mostly black actors they need to look at the quality of the movies. Someone like Tyler Perry, even though he serves his market well, will never be in the running for an Oscar. There need to be more movies in our community that challenge the viewer. Don't assume that all of the black community is one way. Allow a variety and go outside the box and watch what happens. Then you can have a leg to stand on as far as the Oscar's go......

Whew

I told myself that I would not comment on this issue but it is all over the radio this morning and blasted all over the internet. I have viewed the Sean Delonas cartoon that was in the New York Post and I think it is in very bad taste. I have heard the explanation from the Editor in Chief that the cartoon was a direct reference to the news story about the chimpanzee that attacked a woman and was shot and killed by the police. I am not buying it. I am not going to spend time talking about the history of the New York Post, but I would suggest reading up on it. Even Public Enemy has a song about the New York Post that came out their Apocalypse album talking about the racial depictions of the paper. I think something needs to be done about it but I also think that some of the energy that is about to be spent on this needs to be concentrated in other areas. We deal with a lot of issues in our community that we see everyday but never make a deal about, but when something like this comes up we are out in droves. Am I the only one that sees a problem with that? I am not saying that we should not be up in arms about this issue, but I think we need to be up in arms about more things that directly affect us. I think its good that Al Sharpton is having a rally about this issue and that others are taking the time to discuss issues like this on the radio but let's be upset about everything going on in our community. Let's post links about the gang problems in our neighborhood, let's post links about the graduation rate, lets even post links about number of Adjustable Rate Mortgages going on....Let's be mad about that and rally about that. That has more of a direct affect on our community. Just my thoughts people.

Obama's housing plan that he proposed yesterday is fairly decent. I have heard some people come out and state that it is not doing enough for everyone, but I still think it is a good start. He is addressing one of the major issues in housing and that it the loss of value of homes. He is also addressing the issue of debt to income and as a banker I think that is very important. I have heard some come out and say that his plan rewards those who have deceived this system and I can't say that I totally agree with that. Yes, you have some that are going to slip through the system but I think for the most part that this plan is going to be helpful long term. Now, with that being said I do believe that it can be tweaked a little bit. More needs to be put on the table about what incentives banks are going to get to push them to do more lending. Banks have the money right now to lend, but they are paranoid about taking a loss on the back end. Something needs to be done to address that.

"A Nation of Cowards". That is what Eric Holder called the American people yesterday for failing to discuss race in an open and honest way. Bravo Eric. I think he is really going to hold a lot of people accountable for their policies and their views. I am really excited about him being Attorney General. I think this is only the start of him making some changes and having open dialog. Good stuff.

Diversity

Is there an advantage to living in a diverse neighborhood? Is there an advantage to living around people who are just like you? I had a conversation at work with someone who stated that he is comfortable living where he is living due to everyone around him is just like him. He stated to me that he loves living in PG county for that reason and has no desire to live anywhere else. I stated to him that I really would be happier in a more diverse area at this point in my life. I enjoy that I can be surrounded by people from many different backgrounds. I think it leaves you open-minded and it sets up a situation where you are constantly learning. This person told me that he thinks I don't love my culture because I take this stance. I totally disagree. I love everything about my people and where I currently reside, but I also appreciate diversity. My wife and I are looking for a house right now and this is one of the things that I am looking into. I want to be able to go outside of my house and see people from various backgrounds. I want my son to be able to interact with a wide variety of people. I don't think that it asking to much. I appreciate my co-workers point of view but I consider myself extremely open minded on this subject. I think that I can have a household where we are very in tuned to our culture but have an open ear to diversity as well. At least this is what we are going to strive for. Maybe I am putting to much thought into this.

It is a very eerie feeling when you feel as if something big is going to happen but you just don't know what it is. I have been feeling for the last two weeks that something big is about to happen in my life and I am really nervous about what it is. My gut is telling me that the something big is going to be something positive but it still has me a little on edge. I guess the only thing I can do is pray about it and not think about it too much. The last time I had this feeling I relocated back to the DC area and things are going very well. I feel as if I am being pulled in a certain direction. I really can't explain it but some of the contacts that have resurfaced all are pointing to one thing. We will see how it goes. Where is the theme music when you need it?

Being patient

I really hope that the American public is not hoping for an overnight success with the passing of this stimulus bill. I hope people really see what has been transpiring for the last few years and they realize that it is going to take at least a couple years to be totally out of the woods. I have been reading on different websites how people are getting excited about this bill going to Obama's desk and how they are expecting money and blah blah blah. I think we have bigger problems right now. There is no way that this bill is going to save jobs right away. I do think that the stimulus is going to create jobs in the long run (who they go to is a another story) but as of right now we are going to see more jobs lost in the next six months. I hate to say it but we are also going to see more homes lost as well. That is why being patient is going to be the best remedy. No major issue is fixed overnight. The Great Depression was not solved overnight. It took years for this country to get passed that and I think we need to buckle now and prepare for the long haul.

As I stated yesterday I had a sales rally/awards ceremony yesterday for my job. All I can say is that people are taking the "yes we can" slogan entirely to far. The theme of this sales rally was one of the president being elected. So, all through this event I had to hear references to Obama, Biden, "yes we can" etc. The new VP of the company that we are merging with was there as well and the look on her face during the event was priceless. So, for six hours I had to put my game face on and pretend to really enjoy the event. Needless to say as soon as the event was over I hightailed out of there.

Why

Can someone please explain to me why Sen. Roland Burris decided now to come out and say that former Gov. Blagojevich's brother solicited him to give money. Why come out now in the midst of all of this turmoil surrounding the former governor? Did he really think that all of this was going to go over quietly? Sometimes it is just better to keep things to yourself. I know some people might not agree with me, but still. This was a bad move on his part. I think some in the Illinois Senate have been waiting for a reason to go after Burris and I think they have their green light. When he was first elected he made a point to say how he earned this position and he had no tied to the former governor. Sometime your words can come back and bite you.

John McCain needs to be very careful about what he says in the media. During an interview yesterday, McCain stated that Obama was not living up to his promise of change. He also stated that Obama has failed to really sit down with the Republicans and map out bills together. According to him this is something that the Republican party has done in the past and he thought that they were making a change. This may be true in some ways but really? Really John McCain? Is that how you really feel? I think John McCain needs to be careful that he does not undermine Obama. He also needs to choose his words in a way that shows that he wants the best for the administration and not just wanting things his own way.

So, today is President's Day and most people are going to spend the day at home relaxing. How do I get to spend my day? My job decides to have a mandatory corporate sales rally on this day. Let me emphasize the word mandatory. So, for 4-6 hours I have to sit in a room with the President, CEO, etc and hear about how great things are going (in the midst of a merger) and hear how we in sales are so appreciated. It really makes me to vomit. ( in the words of some GOP members) So, in about an hour and half I will be in the hotel conference room for this great load of fun. Wish me luck.

Private or Charter

My wife and I are in the process of looking for either a private school or a charter school for my son to attend. As of right now we have him in a place where he is learning both Spanish and English. We are learning very quickly that my son is a fast learner and that he may need to be in a school that pushes him greatly. I have had one of co-workers tell me that I should support the schools where I live and put my son in a public school. He feels that if I don't put him in a public school then I should put him in a private school. He feels that charter schools take money from the public school system. I am not one that subscribes to that train of thought. My wife is a teacher at a charter school in DC though so I may be a little biased. I am realizing that so much thought has to go into picking a school. You have to factor in the neighborhood, the teachers, etc. One of the advantages to a charter school is that the education is free and normally charter schools have some dedicated teachers. Charter schools also go outside the box when it comes to learning. Private schools are good as well due to the level of education but they are not free. These are some of the decisions that young parents have to deal with. I welcome it but it is not an easy decision. My son's education is the most important thing to us.

Well

My thoughts are all over the place today. I am going to a track meet for the first time in about 10 years and I am very excited. This is the first meet that I am bringing my son to and I hope he is inspired. My brother ran track growing up and even ran in the Penn Relays and it was always a proud moment for me. I even ran track for a short time. (We aren't going to speak on that too long) Even as a child we as a family always went to the Mobil Meet at George Mason. Needless to say I am a huge track fan. Maybe my son will see this meet and be inspired to run track as well. Hopefully he gets those genes from my brother.

My son has an infatuation with Elmo. He has an Elmo potty, Elmo books, Elmo clothes, etc. Why are kids so in love with Elmo. What is it about this red creature that has children mesmerized. I wonder if I was ever this head over heels over a cartoon character. I used to watch Bugs Bunny every Saturday morning as a child. I also just liked to watch his antics but as a got older I realized the sarcasm of the character. I also used to love watching Fraggle Rock. Yes, I am telling me age here but you get the point. I am trying to get my son to get into Darth Vader or something. There has to be a way to incorporate Darth Vader into my son's everyday routine. I am going to work on that.

How to deal

I have never been able to deal with death all that well. I have had a few friends and associates pass on and I have lost a few family members as well. My grandmother passed away January 16, 2004 and I don' t think I have ever really dealt with it in the right way. My father told about three months before she passed that she was sick and knowing her spirit I thought that she would get through it and be back to her old self. I quickly realized early on that she was in a downward spiral and she may not bounce back. When I realized that I kept myself away out of fear of not knowing what to say to her. I was so close to her that I really felt like if I went to see her in that condition that I would lose it and that would not be good for her. I think I spoke to her once on the phone and then got word that she was not in her right mind and that she may not know who I was if I called. A few weeks after that I was in my office and got the call from my dad that she passed away. I did not cry at that point, I just operated in auto pilot mode and went with the program. Even at the funeral I did not cry and it worried me. I remember speaking to my lady at the time and telling her that I thought something was wrong with me. She told me that I may be blocking out the pain. I think I still am. I have a picture of my grandmother on my refrigerator that I look at every morning and it makes me smile. I just wonder if something is going to trigger a breakdown one day. I do know that she watches over me. She makes appearances in my dreams every now and then as crazy as that sounds. Maybe it is her way of letting me know that she is still here for me.

I began thinking about this after watching Jennifer Hudson perform last night at the NAACP awards. This is the second time that I have watched her since the passing of her family and it makes me wonder how she is holding it together. I wonder what her process is for dealing with death. I know that she is a praying person but it has to be hard. Maybe the stage is her therapy. I have been listening to Kanye West's new album and his music seems to be his way of dealing with the death of his mother. (amongst other things) I have friends who deal with death by drinking or smoking. Is there a proper way to deal with it or is it to each is own? I really wonder. I know this a depressing thought process on the day before Valentines day but oh well.

I have never posted a song on here before but this is a tribute to my grandmother. She is on my mind heavy this morning.

Industry shortcomings

When is going to be about the music again?? What happened to artists being concerned about making great music more than making a buzz in a negative way. I consider myself a person who really knows about various forms of music and what I am seeing in the hip hop world is getting a little out of control. When I read interviews from these artists in magazines or online I rarely read questions about the music process, or where they are trying to take the art. I only hear about what this person has to say about that person, or how this is like this or this is like that. It needs to be about the music. It also seems as if the artists that are focused on just the music don't get enough shine at all. I am a fan of the Roots and I have never heard an interview with Black Thought or ?uest where they were asked about conflicts in the hip hop world. The conversation always revolved around the music process and how they study their craft. This is what we need right to keep the real hip hop music afloat. Find the artist that is just worried about making good music. Find the artist that is not concerned about sales at all. When you go into anything thinking about sales and money you heart tends to not really be in it. If it is your passion it is going to show.

Since I am on the talk of music I am going to drag my brother Rashad into this. Let me say for the record that I love my brother with all my heart and I respect his opinion on music 99.9 percent of the time. Let's talk about this the other little percentage. For the last six years now I have been trying to get my brother to listen and appreciate a certain artist. I am not going to say the artists name(Are you in the mood yet) but anyone that knows me knows who this artists is. I constantly play this semi-underground artists and try with a vengeance to get everyone around me to like him as well. I have sent my brother numerous songs from this person and he still does not give it up. I don't know what else I can do. My brother respcts his writing skills but not his overall music. I am still on a mission to get him to like this person. All things in due time.

790 billion and counting. We will see if makes it to the Oval Office at this amount.

Male Importance

Last night even though I said I would not do it I watched TI's Road to Redemption. In the program he explained what got him in the situation he was in and what frame of mind he was in that led him to his situation. The second half of the program though showed him getting involved in a young man's life who has headed in the wrong direction. This young man was heavy into drug dealing, but also was in a lot of pain from his father not being there and his mother being strung out on drugs. In the program, TI took this young man from his house and took him to jail and to a morgue to see what his choices would be if he followed down the path that he was going. The interesting part of this was how this young man took direction from the men that were on the show. The young man in the beginning of the show stated that everything he learned about how to be a man he learned on the streets from the men in his neighborhood. This led to a conversation with my wife who is a teacher about the importance of a man in a child's life. We have so many men our community who have never had a positive role model in their lives. They have never had a man show them what to do and what not to do. They have never had a man show them how to treat and talk to women. It made me believe that once again we need more men in our community to be role models and show these young men what real manhood is all about. I must say that I was blessed with having a strong father in my household who always taught me what manhood was. He is still teaching me even as I am a father myself. Young men and young women a male role model in their life. It is very important.

Watching that program last night also made me realize how important it was when I was young to cut certain friends out of my circle. I have always been the type of person that has friends from both sides of the tracks. I have friends that are accountants, lawyers, investment bankers, business consultants, etc and I have friends who are in jail, soon to be in jail, have spent time in jail, dealers, etc.... I learned many years ago though that you have to be careful who you surround yourself with. I had to learn that it is more important for my advancement in this world to surround myself with my more positive friends. It does not mean that I can't speak to the ones that aren't doing good, but I can't allow myself to be around them for extended periods of time.

Good showing

Last night in front of the nation, Obama made his sales pitch for the stimulus plan. I must say that I have not heard a better sale in a long time. Obama managed to break down nearly every aspect of the plan in a very detailed way. What I thought was very interesting was how Obama at least three times made the point that he inherited this country's problems and it is his job to fix them. He also detailed how he is going to handle dealing with issues in Iran and Afghanistan. Watching him answering questions last night made me realize how much we have a thinking president in office. He went through every question like he was studying it and made sure that when he was done with his answer that you knew exactly what he meant and what his thought process was. You also got a sense last night that Obama is not with the politics being played on the House and Senate floor. He made sure to address those that are holding up the voting process and those who would rather attack him then to take action. It was very interesting to watch. I really am looking forward to how things are going to go with him.


I am really suprised that people are not addressing the fact that Nancy Pelosi has not been going along with the Bipartisanship program. She has almost shut out all the Republicans out of the bill writing process amongst other things. The only journalist that I have heard mention this is Jack Cafferty from CNN. I think in a matter of time you are going to see her and Obama butt heads and it is not going to be pretty. During the election season they seemed to be forcing their friendly relationship. I have heard some say that Pelosi is flexing her muscle a little bit. The question remains is now the time for that?


The crazy cats have struck again outside of the my front door. Can I callTerminix or animal control for something like this. I need some advice.

Behaving badly

It seems like whenever I turned the news on this weekend there was a story about some entertainer or athlete in trouble with the law. From Chris Brown to even gone from the limelight Jamal Anderson. Is it really that hard to keep out of trouble? Where are the people around them whose job it is to keep them in line. Who is holding these people accountable for their actions? How often are the PR teams or family members talking to these individuals about the life that they lead and how privileged they are? It is very important to have someone in your circle who can hold you accountable. Not just if you are an entertainer but in normal everyday life. Just like you need someone you can confide in you need someone around you who is going to get in your behind (pause) and tell you when you are not on the straight and narrow. If you look at those who are successful, this is a common theme.

I am at a company right now that is going through a merger and let me tell you it is a pain in the behind. I have had training at least a week out of every month for the last seven months only to find out that because of the merger I have to go through two months of straight training again. I can't tell you how annoying this is. I have been through two mergers before that went fairly smooth and I was hoping for the same with this one. I am not one to look down on change, I even welcome it but this is not a fun process. Okay, I done venting on that.

On a side note, Al Green is still doing his thing. Last night on the Grammy's he performed and still sounded like the old school Al Green. Good stuff.

Church

I get a lot of flack from my mother for not attending church on Sunday's. Whenever we speak she is constantly asking me if I have found a church home and if I haven't if I am looking. I keep telling her that I have mixed feelings about church but that just is not hitting home with her. There was a time when I was living in Atlanta that my wife and I were going to church just about every Sunday but as time went on I found myself going out of habit more than anything. I consider myself to be a very spiritual person in many ways. I talk to God almost everyday and pray with my son more than once a day. As a family we pray together as well. I just am not the type of person that needs to be in a church setting. Am I wrong for that?? There are times that I pick up the bible and read and even at times I may watch someone's services on television but going into a place of worship really is not for me. I know some are going to view this as wrong and I will respectfully disagree. I firmly believe that having a personal relationship with God in your own way goes a lot farther than having the image of having a personal relationship.

Is there a remedy to get rid of stray cats in your neighborhood? I need one badly. For the last 5 months there have been a new family of cats that have magically appeared in my neighborhood. At last count it was a mother and about 4 kittens who have now grown into a neighborhood terror. To be blunt, these cats are stalking me. I know it sounds crazy but I think they are plotting some sort of savage uprising. Whenever I come home from work they are sitting around my front door. Even in the morning they are under my car, or near my car. There is even one who gives me the evil eye whenever I step foot out of my house. Now, I had grown used to all of this harassment but last night took the cake. Last night while trying to go to sleep one of the cats went on my back porch and proceeded to whine and cry for about 30 minutes. The rules of engagement have been broken. I know cats don't read but it is on.

Saturday Rambling

I know I am two years late but I watched Akeelah and the Bee last night with my wife. I must say that the movie is a good one although somewhat predictable. What this film did do for me was bring home the point of it takes a village to raise a child. There was a line in the movie from Angela Bassett that stated that Akeelah had 50 teachers alluding to the fact that everyone in her neighborhood had a hand in teacher her. I realize that this is something that is lost in our community. We have really found ourselves in a comfortable place where we feel as if since we have it, or are working towards it, that it is all about ourselves and no one else. We need to understand that in doing that, there is a possibility that we could be ingnoring someone that may be begging for help in their own way. This movie really made me think about what I can do to lend a hand in my own way. I read an article recently from a high school teacher in Prince George's County schools who shared that many of her students just really need someone to love and mentor them. Her view is that if these students have those things as a constant, than sky is the limit. I concur 500 percent with this view and I am going to put forth a strong effort in way I can.

CNN spent about 5 minutes discussing Obama's date night last night. Apparently our President took his beautiful wife out to the Kennedy Center last night to see the legendary Alvin Ailey Dance Company. It was a wonderful thing to just see the couple out together smiling and enjoying each other's company. CNN interviewed some people outside of the Kennedy Center and many people made the comment about how good it is to see the President still being able have fun with his wife. How wonderful is it to see the "leader of the free world" out and about on a Friday night and follow that up with a weekend with his kids as well in Camp David. It makes me smile.

Alphabet Plans

598,000!! This is the number of jobs lost just in the month of January alone. Unemployment in the country is at 7.6%. I must admit that I am getting very nervous. I am seeing the affects first hand from a few of my clients. I am seeing once confident business owners pulling everything from savings just to have operating money. I am seeing people with a regular 9-5 really start mapping out plans for a plan B and C. I am seeing 401K's being cashed out in record numbers. I am seeing a record number in small business owners closing up shop and applying for any type of job and taking a tremendous pay cut. I am beginning to lose faith in this economy as a whole. The "experts" on the issue have all but said that don't expect any changes until the end of the year. Can we wait that long. Last week alone I read three stories about men going into their homes and killing their family due to financial troubles. I am aware of that being on the extreme end but the underlying problem remains. What are we going to do? What guarantee does anyone have on their job right now. My wife is a teacher so her job is probably very safe right now but how about the rest of us in banking, marketing, financial sales, small business owners, etc. We have to hope for the best.

Michael Phelps needs to go to Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary and visit Michael Vick and get the rundown about what is about to happen to him. I don't think he has seen the full extent of his fallout. I was wondering how long it was going to take for him to get the stick. I think with the constant media coverage and pressure we are going to see a lot more sponsors take a stand. There really needs to be a class if you in the spotlight about handling pressure and keeping good people around you. Young athletes need to take notes from Lebron James who has managed to maintain a fairly professional image. All things considered of course.

I want to take a ride just once on air force one. I know it seems really juvenile of me to get excited about a plane ride but I keep hearing about all of these things that this plan has on it and it has me intrigued. I can only imagine what sorts of technology is on there. I need an inside connection to the president. Any ideas any one??

Loose Lips

Is this really the right time to hear from Dick Cheney? Someone please answer this question for me. On Tuesday, Dick Cheney sat down with Politico.com and warned that there is a "high probability" that this country will come under terrorists attack in the very near future due to Obama's foreign policy. I have heard of selective memory but this takes it to a new level. Has Cheney forgot that some of his policies and torture methods are the reason that we now have to do a smooth over in many parts of the world. Cheney proceeds to beat on his chest when he states that if it were not for the policies that he and the Bush administration stood behind, this country would of been attacked a lot sooner. Now, one could look at this interview and say that Cheney is a bitter old man who is not happy with the slights that have been sent his way from the Obama camp. Or, one could say that this interview is from a man who will do and say anything to preserve his legacy by any means.

This interview does show a fundamental difference in the Bush and the Obama administration. The Bush administration has consistently been labled as war mongers who are willing to do whatever that needs to be done. They believed in going against the grain and not really being concerned about those that disagreed. Coming in, the Obama administration right now is looked at as a group that will think things all the way through and make a sound decision. They are not looking to shake things up to much and that can be viewed as a plus or a minus. Cheney did make a good point in that sometimes actions need to be taken that will cause controversy. We will see going forward if Obama is willing to put himself out there like that.

If anyone needed a secret service agent right now it is Bernard Madoff. His lists of clients that got burned is growing by the day. He needs to feel lucky that he is on house arrest right now. 50 billion lost is a very big number. Secret service should be over his house as we speak. (Vincent Foster anyone)

Interview

Last night Anderson Cooper interviewed President Obama on CNN last night. I was expecting some good things with this interview and what I got was a very generic line of questioning. Most the of the questions that he was asked revolved around the stimulus plan and what it is supposed to do for the economy. I understand that the priority in this country right now revolves around that but still. I understand also that this interview was done prior to Tom Daschle's stepping down so some questions may have been avoided due to the confirmation process. I still was expecting questions about the Obama administration's vetting process as well as questions about how he plans to bring both sides together. In the analysis after the interview CNN's David Bergen essentially stated that Obama has to be as hard on the Democrats as he is on the Republicans right now to avoid coming across as weak towards his own party. I totally agree with this statement. I understand that Obama is still in the honeymoon phase but it is time for him to distance himself a lot more than he has done.

I said I wouldn't speak on this but oh well. Why is a woman who is not married living with relatives with six kids allowed to have eight more children. What doctor gave fertility treatments to a woman in this situation. Then I learn yesterday that the same unemployed woman hired a PR firm to field offers. CRAZY. I know I am opening myself up for views on this issue but it is backwards to me why this was even done in this case. I wonder who is going to really be paying for these 14 children.

Proud

When I was in 8th grade in 1991, we had an assignment where we had to pick someone we wanted to shadow for a day in their work environment. I knew early on that this assignment would be hard for me. We were not allowed to pick our parents so automatically that had me wrecking my brain. My dad advised me to think really hard about what field I wanted to shadow in and then we would begin the process of finding someone. I finally decided that I wanted to shadow a judge and my father said to me that he had someone in mind. Fast forward two weeks later and I find myself in the office of DC Superior judge Eric Holder. My dad later explained to me that they lived across the hall from one another at Columbia and they had managed to stay in contact. That day of watching him work was one of the most eye opening days of my life. He was hearing a homicide case and to be in that courtroom at that age is something I that still say kept me on the positive path. The point of this though is to state how proud I am of him now becoming the new US attorney general. I think it is a position well deserved and minus a few public missteps (Marc Rich) he has had a wonderful career.

Tonight on CNN Anderson Cooper will be interviewing Obama and I am really interested in watching this. Anderson has a way of interviewing people that he can ask the tough questions without coming off as abrasive. It should be a very interesting talk.

Random Monday Thoughts

I really enjoyed my weekend. There is nothing more enjoyable than spending time with my wife and son. I realize that as I get older that family time is more important to me than anything else. I also had a chance to have a really conversation with my brother on Saturday. Good times all around. I really am learning to take full advantage of spending time with my son. Based on my schedule I really can't spend the time that I want to with him during the week. It really bothers me but I am learning to work with it. I will admit that I have thought about cutting down how I work but I am working towards that.

Michael Phelps is getting a lot of flack right now for his "episode". Now, as a parent I must say that as a role model he needs to be fully aware of what he does at all times. He needs to watch who is around him and dammit, he needs to pull a Prince and confiscate all cameras. Now, with that being said, it was just a little weed. This man just won eight gold medals. Can he live??? I like his statement though. He apologized for regrettable behavior but never full owned up to inhaling. I see someone has studied under the Clinton ways.

I usually don't post videos on here and I won't today but I have watched the video to NERD's song sooner or later three times this weekend and I must say, the meaning behind this video is stunning. If you want to know why the economy is suffering and what is going on behind the scenes in wall street, watch the video. I must give it up to NERD.

Power Review

Over the last few days I have really been studying and reading about this new stimulus plan and the banking system in general. The economy is going downhill at a rapid pace and we are really at a point where we need to get to the underlying issues. I think we are seeing right now how much power these banks have. We can have conversations about government spending and earmarks, and blah blah blah, but the root of the problem is banks. Even as I watch meet the press today Steve Forbes made the point to say that until we fix the banking issue, things will continue to go sour.

Banks are in a state of emergency right now. Some banks are folding, some are being seized and others are restructuring. What is directly affecting consumers though is the lack of lending going on in all banks. It is as small as not lending to ordinary joes such as myself to not lending to major corporations. When you have this combined with people forced to now live within their means you have a major crisis at hand. By me working in the banking field I see first hand that people are freaking out right now. Some people are operating with working capital alone and not credit. Others are just trying to stretch one credit card out as long as it can go.

If you look at all of these situations it goes to show how much power these banks right now. It really is scary to hear major CEO's and Senate Finance Committee members state that we need to fix the banking industry right now. It makes you wonder if there is an ulterior motive.

Today is super bowl sunday and I am not inspired. Someone please tell me about a super bowl party.

Endless Information

Yesterday the Republican Party chose its first black national chairman in its history. Michael Steele is the former Lt. Governor from the great state of Maryland. Now, my first thought when I first heard of this news was that the RNC made this move strictly for PR purposes. There have been a lot of talks about the getting the Republican party to relate more to minorities and I think they some believe that this will be an automatic fix. I find it very interesting that as soon as the cameras were on him he stated that he is going after Obama and looks forward to sparring with him. He also stated that he would tell Obama how you like me know in reference to Obama being dismissive of Steele a few years back. I really wonder if this dynamic is needed right now. I wonder if Obama will take his forcefulness kindly or will this begin a constant back and forth battle. It makes for an exciting time in politics but the chess game has officially begun in Washington.

Last night my wife and I went out with a few of her co-workers and we met a young woman who had just moved to DC from Hawaii. My wife and I questioned her as to why she would leave the warm beautiful climate of Hawaii to come here and she stated it was an opportunity she could not pass up. I can't even begin to think how hard of a decision that was to make. How do you leave a climate like that to come here. Don't get me wrong, I love DC like no other city but if I could be in Hawaii seven days a week.......I will leave it at that.

First Week

So, we are coming to the conclusion of President Obama's first week and I must say that it has been an eventful one. He has had to very quickly show what he is made of and I think he has done a fairly decent job. I do think there have been some newcomer errors and I think some of those need to be addressed. One of the first errors that I think he made was directly addressing Rush Limbaugh on one day and Fox news on another day. As a President you need to really be careful how you address those that critique you. Calling direct names and going after a section of the media is never a good move. Fox news is a network that has the time and energy to focus on all things they deem negative and they will do it with a vengeance if baited. Obama also came out on Wednesday and directly addressed the respective governments in the DC area about their quick closures of schools. Now, I am not going to debate if I agree with this statement or not but once again, the comment came across as a bit condescending.

Now, there have been some things that President Obama has done this week that I think is his way of starting things fresh in DC. He has really been on mission to get this new stimulus package passed. He keeps pushing that he wants bipartisan support and is going out of his way to get it. Just on Wednesday night, the same evening after not one Republican voted for his stimulus plan, he had a cocktail party at the White House for both Republican and Democratic party leaders. This is my opinion is a very gutsy move, and it shows that he is willing to go outside the box. President Obama also this week went on Arab TV to attempt to make amends with the muslim world. Now, I am fully aware that this is going to be a long journey in reconciliation, but for a new president to do this early in his administration is very telling of how things are going to go.

Hopefully Obama will sit down with his advisors this weekend and really analyze his first week and weigh out the positives and the negatives. I think he had a fairly strong showing, but he needs to save his sound bites for the major issues at his hand. Let his press secretary be the one to make comments on individuals. He needs to remember that he is not campaigning for a position, he is leading a country.

Facebook

Facebook never ceases to amaze me. For the last few months now I have been getting friend requests from a wide variety of people on Facebook. These requests have come from people I used to go to school with, to former clients, to people that know me through someone else, etc. It really is an interesting dynamic. I also am starting to believe that Facebook is addictive. My wife stays on Facebook, as well as many other people that I know. What is it about this site that has us all in awe. Do we really want to connect with old friends or are we just curious to see what people are doing and have done in their lives. Does this prove that all of us are nosey or is it a dire curiousity. I will fully admit that I am nosey and will leave it at that.


This economy is really starting to make me nervous. I am 30 years old and can't remember a time when so many people were losing jobs. Everyday on the news you are hearing about companies cutting jobs and even some companies going under. Many predictions have things getting a lot worse before they get better. I had a conversation with my father the other night and he stated to me that I lot of what we are seeing are some companies "trimming the excess fat". It still makes me nervous. I work in the banking field and I see firsthand how people are being affected. Property values are going down, money market rates are almost non-existent, you almost need an 800 credit score to get approved for a any type of loan, and so on. I really hope this stimulus helps but I don't know...

Black Ice

This morning reminded me of those days as a child when you would have your eyes glued to the television praying that your school district would be closed. My wife who is a teacher was informed last evening that her charter school would be opening two hours late this morning due to the ice. So, this morning at 6:30 like an excited 8th grader, I turned on the news to the get the school closing run-down. What memories this brought back. I can remember vividly my brother and I refusing to get dressed until we knew for sure if we had to go to school or not. If we did not have to go due to the snow we would then hurry up and get dressed, go outside and punish each other with a barrage of snowballs. Even my father would join in on the action on his way to work. How I miss the grade school days. Short of a major weather event, there will be no delays for me.

Can someone please tell Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield to speak to Muhammad Ali's doctor. Where are the loved ones in both of their respective lives. Is there any one in both of their corners (no pun intended) that can tell them that they need to hang up the gloves forever beofre serious long term damage occurs. There is a rumor going around that these two may be planning a bout for some serious cash. NO NO NO... This is a epic fail waiting to happen in my opinion. I need to put together an intervention team ASAP.

Quiet is better

When is someone going to tell Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich that running his mouth too much on national television is a no-no. How are you in the middle of a impeachment trial and you take time out of your day to work the network circuit. It is really disgusting. CNN showed clips of this man on Barbara Walters, the View, speaking with Geraldo, etc. Here is an idea. STFU and keep it moving. If you know that you are innocent continue to let the media do what they do. Personally, I would take the stance that the American People have not heard the full version of those tapes and until they do, once again they need to sit down somewhere. I know this may be a little close minded on my part but eh....This does not however give him a pass to be on every news channel. It comes across as a bit arrogant in my opinion. He needs to take notes from Jack Abramoff. Stay away from TV and do a Time article...It goes a long way.

If you are in the DC area like I am you should have some snow falling outside right now.... It is not enough in my opinion. When I moved back to the DC area from Atlanta I was expecting snow earlier and lots of it. Mother Nature is holding out on me and I don't like it. I need some real snow. 12 inches and above will suit me fine. (Pause).........This flurry stuff is for the birds.

Appreciation

Today is my mother's 57 birthday and I must say I am really excited for her. My mother has had an exciting last few months and she seems the happiest that she has been in a very long time. This post though is not about her in that respect. It really is about our relationship, and how I have learned so much from her in the last 14 years.

Prior to that 14 years I was in a normal family and love was just passed around freely...We were really like one and we did everything together.

When my brother went to college back in the early 90's I was left in the house with my parents who were in the early stages of a separation and pending divorce. Things began to get very weird around the house and as a 14 year old teen I began to rebel. For some reason this took on the form of being disrespectful to my mother. This ranged from everything to yelling, to being just out right defiant. I know now that this was just my anger from my parents going to different directions but at that time it was really bad. The bad behavior continued until my father noticed it and advised the judge in the proceedings that it is best that when the dust settles that I move with him to Cleveland. During this time period when I was away from my mother for long periods of time, I started to realize how much hurt I caused my mother and I began to work on repairing that.

By the time I moved back with my mother my senior year of high school the process began oh healing. My mother and I had our problems my senior year and freshman year of college but it was more due to the crowd I was hanging with than anything else. As the years have gone by since that our relationship has taken on a very interesting dynamic. My mother has become a lot of different things to me. She has become my main support system, my spiritual advisor, my counselor, etc... It's something I really can't put into words. My wife tells me that I become putty when my mother asks me to do something and I think that is true. I think it is my way of repaying her for the wrong I did growing up.

I can never make up for making my mother cry. I can never get out of my head how in a fit of rage in 94 I laughed at her feelings about the pending divorce. I can never get her shocked look out of my head when the police called her my senior year for many things. But I can say that I can smile when she says how much things have changed. I can smile about her first meeting my wife or being there at the hospital when my son was born. I can smile when her and I talk on the phone for hours and laugh and cry together. I can smile when she comes and visits and her and I go out to eat. It really is a wonderful thing. I can't go more than two days without talking to her.

I really just want to say Happy Birthday to my mother. I smile as I say that and I truly realize how blessed I am to have that relationship with her. I love you Mommy

Worries

On November 2, 2006 at 11:47 in the evening my son was born. Words can't explain the happiness my wife and I felt at the moment. I knew I that point that my life would change forever and that my focus would always be his well-being. (Second to my wife of course...!00 points) As these two years have virtually blown by, I have noticed that my son has a personality that mirrors my own. He has a sense of humor, he is hardheaded, he is a flirt, (sorry baby), and lastly he has a smart mouth. This is where my worry comes in. For the last several weeks when either my wife or I pick him up from childcare we hear that either he has talked back to one of the providers or that he is very adamant about which toys are his. Now, I know the toy part comes from him being an only child and I guess I understand that part. I was raised with an older brother so I really could not be selfish about anything due to the thrashing I would get. My son on the other hand feels as though what is his is his and no one should dare touch it. This concerns me but I chalk it up to terrible two's and will leave it at that. We are working on the sharing aspect at home. My real concern comes from his mouth. I really worry that it is something that will not leave him. Any one that knows myself or my brother or even my wife knows that we all have a very smart mouth that can and sometimes does get all of us in a little bit of trouble. But all of us are at least 30 (sorry again baby) and so it is part of us at this point. I must say that I don't want it to become part of my son and cause him some of the the same minor issues it caused me. Maybe I am overthinking this, but I must admit I am worried about it.

Laws .

There really needs to be law about going into work on the weekend. There has to be no worse feeling (an exaggeration of course) than getting up at 7:00am on a Saturday morning to go in the office. I really think the weekends should be time spent with family, friends, and maybe Jack Daniels if that is your cup of tea. Now, I know I should not be complaining since this week was a shortened one but still I must vent. And I know I need to make the best of my day.

I also need to know is there a unwritten law about having to speak to your neighbors. When I returned from work yesterday, as I parked my car by neighbor was sitting on his porch and went out of his way to speak to me. When I say out of his way I mean he was on his cell phone and told the person to hold on and walk down his stairs and into the middle of the sidewalk to speak to me. I really think this is uncalled for. A simple wave in my opinion will suffice. This is almost as bad as my new neighbor to my left who proceeded to tell me her whole life story when I was rushing to a meeting one morning. I understand that she may need a friend ( her husband just died and she moved to get out the the old house) but that is something that needs to be eased in. I know this sounds harsh but you get my drift. My wife accuses me of being anti-social and that just may be the truth. I just don't have patience a lot of time for random conversation.

Politics Everywhere

So, I had planned on speaking on my gripes about the music industry this morning until I turned the radio on and heard a rant about Russ Limbaugh and his comments about Obama yesterday. I must say that I am bothered that his comments are garnering this much attention. Does Urban radio not understand that this is what he does on a regular basis? Speaking on the issue all over morning radio only solidifies his place in shock radio. I heard the comments on CNN.com yesterday and chalked it up to him being an attention whore. (I really do hate that expression.) You have to put him in that Michelle Malkin category. (Google her)

I think I will save my rant on the music industry for another day. I was on a very popular hip hop website last night and just kept running into ignorance....

It is back to work again today and I am really not looking forward to going in early...Having an 8:00 meeting combined with the fact that I may have to work late is not my idea of a good day. Also combine the fact that my wife and son will be out of town for the weekend and you have the makings of a cranky man today.

Well

Well, I guess this is my my grown way of getting things off of my mind. When I was young, or shall I say younger, I used to write so-called rhymes and vent that way. It seems as if I have grown out of that and moved on to using this as my forum. Being that I am now 30 years old on my way to 31 it seems as though life is always there to remind you of something..... Life is never easy but if it was, I probably would take it for granted.

I am coming off of a good weekend and a productive few days off. I think I am ready to go back to work on Friday. I think...... Without getting in to much detail I think I am really bored with work and ready to go back to school. As a matter of fact, I know I am ready to make that leap..... I just need to make that first step.......

But when...........