Frustration

It is really frustrating when you seek the advice who have gone on a similar path that you inspire to and you are completely ignored. I am starting something that I feel passionate about and I am working with some excellent people and I trying to reach out to those who are already where I want to be. I simply want to ask them what mistakes they have made and what things they can tell me to push me in the right direction. Now, it could be I am a little impatient. I sent out these emails and phone calls last week and in this business it take a while for people to get back to you. Still, I want to hear something back soon.

I am on vacation this week from my 9-5 and it could not come at a better time. It gives me a lot of time to focus on my new endeavor. My wife is also on spring break this week so all is well. This merger that my company is going through is a lot work and a lot of training. I am hoping that it goes smoothly so we will see.

I have realizing that I have been praying a lot more lately. This has not been a conscious decision but it has just been coming naturally. I wonder if there is an explanation for this. The first thing I do before I leave the house is have a brief praying session. I think it is giving me clarity for the day. It is almost like a to do list. When I first get to work in the morning I make a to do list of calls I have to make and things that I need to do. I put prayer on my mental to do list. It is helping me I think.

Talking about to do lists I need to set a date to bowl with my brother. I heard his game is lacking.

The circus

My wife and I took my son to the circus last night and I must admit I had a blast. This was my first time ever going to the circus and it was my son's first time as well. I really didn't know what to expect going in. I thought I may be bored or it would have been a bunch of crazy corny antics but it was actually the complete opposite. They kept you engaged the entire evening with a variety of skits, performances, and audience interaction. They even had about seven tigers there they were just beautiful. The expression on my son's face last night was just priceless. He clapped every five minutes or so and was just smiling all night even though it was way beyond his bedtime. Now, I must admit that I am still sort of stuck in the middle when it comes to the circus and the zoo and these sort of things. I really believe that animals should be kept in there natural environment. I don't think anyone of us really know how much abuse these animals have to go through to be able to perform in these shows. I have heard some people say that these animals love performing for the crowd. I just don't beleive that. The ironic thing is last night when we got back home there was a story on the news about how some people are suing Ringling Brothers for their treatment of elephants. Apparently the way they get them to perform goes against some form of agreement that was put in place. I don't know. I really have to think about taking my son back. I want him to understand that even though the show is fun and we love to see the animals, the animals have to go through a lot to be there.

As you may have seen it is getting harder and harder to write in this blog. My schedule based on the after hours project that I am doing in jam packed. It is well worth it but it is making it harder to write. I am going from my 9-5 on the phone with clients and meeting clients to going in the evening and making phone calls to try to get things together for something. It is time consuming but rewarding. I am really telling myself to blog more because I feel it is going to help me focus on things and it gives me a break. Hopefully I can keep at it.

WOW

This weekend was a lot of fun for me. This was really the first time since I started this blog that I took a weekend off but the weekend was so hectic. On Saturday morning I took my son to have breakfast with my nephew and my brother. I really enjoyed spending time with my nephew as did my son who spent half of his time at the restaurant flirting with the waitress. (I don't know where he gets that from) After leaving my brother and nephew after breakfast I picked my wife up from work and we went to the Air and Space Museum. I have not been to this museum is some time an I really enjoyed myself. One of Tuskegee Airman were there so that was good to see and read about this story. The rest of the afternoon was spent going to the mall and really enjoying family time. Even on Sunday I was able to spend more time with my nephew and my brother and father. I think it was something I really needed to get refreshed. My other "endeavor" is really getting deep and it is taking up a lot of my time. It is something that I love to do but it is really a lot of leg work. I hope that good opportunities keep coming from it. We will see though....

Mindset

I wonder what Bernie Madoff is thinking right now. I wonder how it must feel to know that you will never see the light of day again. How do you mentally prepare yourself for that. I have a few friends that are in or have been to prison and they all have said that you take each day as if comes and you don't really think to far ahead. I can't imagine what that is like. I spent all of nine hours in a jail in Atlanta due to an error on the part of the MVA. I was going crazy in the nine hours that I was in there. I can't imagine what it would be like to spend the rest of my life in there. Especially someone like Madoff who has been living the high life for some time now. I would have to guess that the first week you are adjusting to things. I assume you could compare it to the first week at a new job. (Kind of) You look at how others operate and look at what to do and what not to do. But after that first week it has to feel like the walls are closing in everyday. An old associate of mine who spent 10 years in federal prison told me that he spent 5 of those years in the hole and he really got in touch with himself. He said it was because of that time in the hole that he made the decision to turn his life around when he got out. He now owns his own business and is doing well. The difference in that case was that he knew that he was going to inventually get out. What if you never are getting out? This is why I live on the straight and narrow. I really don't ever want to have to worry about doing anything to risk my freedom. I enjoy it to much.

It's here

Well, I have been saying for a while that I think something big is coming down the pipeline and I think I have found out what it is. I am not going to speak on it too much but it is something that in some ways I have been working towards for while. I am both nervous and excited at the same time. I have been praying for certain things to happen and I think things are beginning to happen. So, with that being said, I would ask for others to pray for me as well.

I watched Kanye West's performance last night on American Idol and I must say that his stage performances are getting better and better. The song that he performed is heartless and I must say that I have liked this song since the first time that I heard it. Kanye was all over the stage last night and involved the crowd. When he first started doing his stage thing he seemed very nervous. Things have changed over time. I am really impressed. Granted, he still can't sing but oh well.

PTS

I read an article in the paper yesterday that spoke about how soldiers coming back from Iraq are being affected by Post Traumatic Stress. The article speaks on how the symptoms manifest themselves and what to look for. It states how some have the inability to sleep, some react in violence, so have nightmares, some are withdrawn, etc. The writer of the article makes a point to say for some, it is their first time seeing violence and they don't know how to fully handle it. The writer goes a little farther and questions if they military even has a way to prepare people for what they may encounter when they go to war. I speak on this because last night I once again watched the TI Road to Redemption program and they were dealing with a young man who feels the need to run with a gang and carry a weapon. When they spoke to the young man and asked him why he felt the need to carry a weapon he started talking about how many of his friends had been killed and how many times he had been shot at. He also recounted how his best friend was killed right in front of him and how the bullet went in his neck and came out the side of his head. I might add that this young man was only 18. It makes me wonder how many of our young men deal with issues like this. I know some people can't fathom what it is like to see things like this, but you have to ask yourself how one deals with it. The military has people that are trained to speak to soldiers when they see certain things or when someone close to them has died but what about our youth in the streets. What help is there for that 14 year old boy whose friend was gunned down in front of him. I was 17 when I first saw someone shot up and it affected me in an adverse way. I too have been shot at in a few situations coming out of clubs when I was 17 and 18 and it may me feel a certain way. I am older now but I still admit that I am really numb to certain things, but I have not gone through nearly anything compared to what some kids are dealing with. I just wonder what kind of help is out there for these kids. I heard people say that they don't know why some kids are so quick to kill each other and why some carry guns but ask yourself what they have been through or what they have seen. If you don't have someone to speak with about what you have seen that might be your way of dealing with pain. I really think this is something that needs to be in place in schools and in the community. I think a counselor or someone who is really in tune with what is going on needs to be in place. Maybe the reason for a lot of the violence is a lack of understanding and no one to attempt to understand.

Overload

I really am going to have to stop watching CNN for a minute. I am realizing that if you watch it everyday you will be a very depressed person. All you see on there is stories about the economy and how people are losing jobs and how much in debt we are. It is really going against what I am trying to strive for right now. I am really pushing to be more positive all around. I have made people around me try to find the positive in everything. Even in the midst of a terrible situation you can find something positive in it. I also realize that if you constantly surround yourself with negative things, that finding a positive can be even harder. This is my stance on watching CNN and reading the newspaper. It is something that I feel I should do due to keeping up with the news but it must be done in moderation. I wake up in the morning feeling positive and I can't allow negative news to get me down. I have been in some very low places mentally so I really can appreciate finding the positive in everything. I think it is a good rule of thumb to live by.

My nephew is coming into town this weekend and I couldn't be more excited. I have not spent as much time with him as I should but it seems as if ever since my son was brought into this world that it has become more of a priority to me. It makes me smile to see him now. I remember when he was a baby when he stayed with me and my cat (don't ask) kept hissing at him. My nephew paid the cat no mind whatsoever. The last time I saw him in September he was just as grown as ever. We played catch outside of my house and I was just amazed. I really can't wait just to chill with him.

I have a serious case of sprig fever right now. This warm weather we have been having up here is making me long for the summer. I guess I did not realize how much of last summer I missed moving up here and find a place. It's like the entire summer breezed by. All of that is going to change this spring and summer. I plan on enjoying every warm day I can. It just needs to stay warm and we can start things off. Three more weeks until spring.......

Vacation

I really am in need of a vacation. I want to go somewhere where there is a nice beach and beautiful water. I would like to go out of town somewhere. Maybe somewhere in the islands. I have never been out of the country and it is starting to bother me. I hear from my clients about how they went to Jamaica or Africa or Cancun and it just has me in awe. Before 2007 I had never even been to a beach. The first beach I went to was in Jacksonville Florida and even though it was nice, it is not what I really view as a final destination place. The second beach I went to was more of the same and it was in Savannah, GA. This beach too just did not do it for me. I would like to go places and experience more of how other people live in other places. My wife and I were watching a special on the Travel channel about good places to go in Jamaica and it was interesting. My wife has been to Jamaica but she told me that she stayed on the resort. I think I would want to get outside of the resort and really experience how life is. I don't think staying on a resort is a good representation of that. I also would like to go on a cruise at some point in the near future. This too is something that I have never done but I hear it is a wonderful experience. I don't even need to go on a long cruise, but just to be on the boat for a while seems to be relaxing. I really can't speak on why all of this is on my mind this morning. I think I really just need to relax for about a week. It seems whenever I had a vacation from work, I never really just go somewhere and relax. It seems as if I am always on the go. Yeah, sitting on a beach seems like just the way to remedy that.

Interesting conversation

A had an interesting conversation with my co-worker while leaving the office yesterday. It is somewhat controversial but I am going to still mention it. My co-worker who is a woman asked me if is it okay for a man who is gay to hang out with a straight man. I told her that anything is okay but I personally don't. I have some associates who I know that are gay but I don't hang out with them. (For that matter the only person I really hang out with are my boy I grew up with and my brother) The more I thought about this the more I realized that I don't know any straight men that hang out with gay men. Last night my wife and I had the same conversation and she stated that she does not hang out with any gay women but it is not a conscience decision. I wonder what the reaction would be if I saw one of my friends hanging out with someone who is gay. Would my first thought automatically be the person is gay or would I just think that they are long time friends. I am bringing this up strictly for the point of conversation. I know a lot of women who hang out with gay men and I know some men that hang out with gay women. Why don't you see gay men and straight men and the other way around. I would really be interested in doing a study on this. (Add that to yours Rashad). I think the results would be astounding.

I am breathing easy today due to the fact that I still have a job. My company is currently merging with another company and they stated that they were going to send out letters to all employees about whether or not they had a job. The good thing is that I still have a job with the new merged company so I can breathe easy. I received my letter in the mail yesterday. I must admit that I was worried for a time but all is well.

I am really tired this morning for some reason and I have to go to work. But, this song has been in my head all morning..I really can't explain why it is in my head but I suspect that the video came on the in the middle of the night while I was half sleep. Anyway, not too much to say today. Enjoy the song though.

Customer Service

Since when did Customer Service get so bad across the board. It seems as if everywhere that I go that people really do not want to be at work. You would think in these times that people would appreciate the fact that they have jobs and act accordingly. I have had no such luck. Yesterday I spent my day off with my son and he and I went searching for an item that I needed for my computer. The first establishment that I went to had decent service. I emphasize decent. The gentleman asked me if I needed assistance and I stated that I did. I gave him the specs for my computer and he did some research but had to call someone else in. This second person did not acknowledge me or my son and acted like I was stopping him from doing something else. I took offense to this but held my tongue due to me being a good father and all. So, once the rude gentleman informed me of the price I told him that I wanted to look around a bit before I paid that price and I left. I went to four other stores yesterday and things went downhill from there. One store the employee was busy having a conversation with someone else when I was trying to get information from her. Another store the employee did not even look me in my eye when she was speaking to me. One store I called the person had the nerve to take a loud slurp (pause) from their drink in a very loud fashion. When I finally settled on a store to buy what I needed the employee at the front checkout basically threw the bag at me and rolled her eyes. This is just unacceptable. I don't know where good customer service has gone. It seems as if everyone that I have spoke to have had a experience that mirrors my own. I don't want to speak to the elephant in the room here but that might be a possibility. I will save that rant for another day.

I watched the Departed for the hundred time last night. This movie seems to only get better every time that I watch it. My wife has told me on numerous occasions that I watch this movie too much. If you have ever seen this movie the acting is superb. Plus, I think Jack Nicholson is one of the best bad guys to ever grace the screen. Very good movie indeed.

Crazy neighbor

As soon as I got home from work yesterday the neighbor who just moved in the complex two months ago came knocking at my door. Now I am very funny about people coming to the house anyway so I was already on edge a little bit. This is the same neighbor who stopped me one morning and started telling me how she is from Chicago and she is in her townhouse alone due to her husband passing and blah blah blah. I really stopped listening after a while. Yesterday she came and asked me if I had be hearing weird noises in the walls. I had to think for a second and I responded that I have been hearing a strange sound behind my fridge but I have not been able to pinpoint it. So, crazy woman proceeds to tell me that she keeps hearing a scurrying sound above her bedroom and it sounds as if it could be a raccoon. She keeps this wonderful dialog going by explaining how in Chicago you can just shoot the raccoon and keep it moving and how in Maryland you can't do that. This conversation led to how her son lives not to far away but far enough so that he does not come visit and how her daughter comes by every now and then. How does all of this concern me? She ended the conversation by saying that she is going to call the police and have them deal with the situation and she was going to keep me informed. This is once again an example of pointless conversation and 15 minutes wasted of my valuable time. I really have the desire at times to stop people when they are talking and ask them what the %^$ they are talking about. I know some people might have the thought that she is lonely due to her husband passing but that my friends is why they have facebook, match.com, or a vast array of internet sites to keep you busy. It does not mean come to my household. Okay, I am done venting for the morning.

Interesting

I may be on a little late on this clip right here but I someone sent this to me this morning and it had me shaking my head. I may be a little biased for I am a huge Michael Dyson fan but this is ridiculous. Pat Buchanan really comes off as not able to debate in this conversation. Some of his points may have merit but after a while he really goes off the deep end. Now, to be fair Michael Dyson takes a dip in that end as well. I would just say to watch it and take away what you must.

I wonder if this new shift in power in Cuba is a way for the younger Castro to appeal to Obama. I have been hearing for a while that Cuba would like sanctions lifted after all of these years and I wonder if they see an opening with Obama. It is going to be interesting to see how this plays out. This issue is one that has not seen much light of the day recently due to the economy issues but it is on the radar.

Can someone tell me when you can get a ticket for letting your car warm up in the morning without you being in it. Yesterday morning as was walking back inside my house after starting my vehicle the police drove by and advised me that if my car is on that I need to be in the car. She then pointed to my neighbors truck which also was on and asked me where she was. I stated I did not know and the officer went to her front door, asked for her DL and registration and gave her a $70 ticket for leaving her vehicle unattended. That is just crazy. I know PG county police are going through a budget shortfall but this is crazy.

Weddings

275 people. That is way to many people for a wedding if you ask me. One of my co-workers is in the process of planning her wedding and takes every minute of the day to ask me my opinion on things. The first thing that I told her is that when my wife and I got married we had a very small ceremony. I mean small like 10 people. That is what we both wanted and we were happy about it. I really didn't see a reason to break the bank on a wedding. I have known of people who spend 30k on a wedding and then spent the next few years going back and forth about money. I did not want to be in that boat. So, this co-worker of mine plans on having the ceremony at this location on the water and she wants an open bar and this and that. She told me yesterday that she wants to find a way to not invite children to her wedding. I advised her that this might not be a good idea and I was shut down. First she told me that she did not want children screaming during the ceremony and then she started talking about the cost of food for the wedding. I stuck to my guns though and still gave my opinion. When I spoke to my wife about what my co-worker had said, she agreed with my co-worker. My wife is of the mentality that it is her wedding and she can do what she wants. My wife said that if she wants to have one legged beetles are her wedding she can have that too. (Verbatim of course) I just think that if you are having a wedding on a weekend that children are going to have to come. Maybe that it just me. I must say though that the number of people on her list is going down by the day. It was up to about 350 last week. When you start factoring in the cost of the food per person and the photographer everything else you learn real quick about easing up on the guest list. I wish her the best of luck though. I know a few people who are getting married in the next year and I hope they plan wisely. 10 people was wonderful....No issues what so ever.

Envious

So, this morning I wake up at 4 something this morning to my wife's cell phone going off informing her her school is closed this morning. Then I get call around 6:45 this morning stating that my office will NOT be closing this morning. As I rolled out of of bed and looked outside I saw at least six inches of snow on the ground and thought about every excuse in the world that I could come up with to stay home. I could not come up with one. So I woke up, did the three s's and intended on starting my day in a bad mood. After I got dressed though that all changed. I went in my son's room, got him out of bed, and informed him that it was snowing and he would be staying home today. He then ran to window in our bedroom and the look on his face was priceless. My son started smiling and telling me over and over again that it is snowing and that the snow is white. (He has just learned his colors) This changed my entire outlook on my day. I can't tell you how it feels to see his excitement of seeing his first real snow. It may seem small to some but you learn how to treasure every little thing when you have a child. I told him that I have to go to work to make money and he stated that he wants to make money too..You gotta love it. If we could only get passed those damn child labor laws.

Any and everything

I think my itching for reggae music is back in full swing. I have been playing nothing but reggae for the last two days. Prior to this I have been asking around to see who can get me some old school reggae. I used to listen to it a lot growing up and kind of lost my love for it. I don't know where this renewed interest came from. Let me just say that if anyone has some please sent it to me. Don't be shy.

They are saying that we are supposed to get a lot of snow this afternoon and this evening. I can't wait. I have been saying all winter that I want a big snow storm and it looks as if I may have my wish. Now, I know I am older and my office will not close but it still makes for good times. I think my wife will be out of work tomorrow and my son will get to run wild one more day. That makes me smile.

I watched Robert Gates on meet the press this morning there was very strange moment in which David Gregory asked Gates if he was going to serve out the term his position and he stated that it would be challenging. I found this very interesting. I must say that I was shocked at first when he agreed to stay in the position after the transition but I did not know he would make a public statement like that. I must say though that I liked the fact that he stated that Obama is more of a analytical person that Bush is. That too made me smile.

I am in the third full month of my beard and I must say that I am happy. I have tried for many years to grow a beard and I have always come up short. Oh how things have changed. I now have a full "Black thought" like beard and I am too happy. One of my clients told me that it makes me look more distinguished. My wife even told me that I look more handsome. That is all I need.......

I highly advise everyone to go to Ovation TV and watch the special that they did on Miles Davis. I must say that I have always been a fan of his work. I grew up in a household where his music was constantly played, but watching this special made me a bigger fan. Just to see the genius behind his music making process is enough to get anyone with a creative gene inspired. He also was very much an enigma. I don't think anyone fully understood him but they read him through his music. I think more artists should strive for this.